She actually had the audacity to tell me that I needed to find the root of my "drinking problem" because she & my father were not big drinkers, so it didn't make sense to her. I can't remember a time since I found out that she smoked weed that my Mom hasn't been openly & admittedly high, drunk or on some pill she prescribed herself, unless she didn't have anything and then she was just violently angry.
As Erin would say, whatta bitch.
She wants to know why I'm a crazy party girl, because I learned from the best. Except I apparently can keep my shit together when I'm blacked out & wasted.. at least enough to fool other drunk people into thinking I'm okay to drive home.
I have incredibly poor judgement over how drunk I am when I'm out blowing off steam or when I'm just having a lot of fun with a bunch of people. I feel happy so I feel awake & on but then the tired comes and there's no getting around it.. I'm just wasted. The bottom line now is that I need to get my shit together and I really need to start caring more about myself or else I'm going to be just like everything I don't want to be, which is exactly what I am right now. At the same time, I'm applying so much knowledge & experience to my life and I think I'm heading in a good direction, its just getting ahead of myself and making stupid, expensive, ego/life bruising mistakes. I really can't do that shit anymore. Mistakes are one thing but you can only mess up a few times before its obvious you're pretty much just doing something & not giving a shit. I'm failing but I'm not a failure. I don't care if I lose cool points, I need to grow up.
Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around.
The future has no memory.
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