It's honestly been at least 4 years since I've been to a Hardcore show and it's 4 regretful years after that show, man. Seeing all of those people still caring so much about the same thing was so inspiring and some of them actually making something out of themselves with it. It was a huge reality check.
I loved that community. I miss the reality of it. There is nothing like the Hardcore music scene. There are no prerequisites necessary, there's no pressure. Every other "scene" I've found myself in has been influenced by something else or so many other things that there's no real heart in it. As long as you look the part and have got the script down, you've got it. At the show friday, there was no dress code or pretentious stereo type to fit into. Some people obviously rolled out of bed and came to show, others obviously just came from their "business attire only" job. There weren't a bunch of douche bags running around taking group FB pics to document that they were having a good time. People were just having a good time.
But dude really, I realized that I completely fell off. It was the one thing that I got into on my own accord. I made great friendships because of it and even mended some bridges in light of it. But I lost it and true to form for that time I blamed everything but me. I didn't stay true to myself. The "cool kids" wanted to hang out and I didn't look hard enough to realize that they were actually assholes who lived compromising lifestyles. I didn't see it and then I got mad when people who were smart enough to recognize it did and didn't agree with what I was doing. Years later when you start to try and save people around you who are falling, you understand that the people you blindly thought were trying to hold you back, were trying to help you and maybe even protect you from something you ultimately couldn't handle.
Aaron Bedard spoke about how incredible we are as human beings and our bodies' ability to heal and persevere through most things life throws at us. Like so many times before, what he said resonated inside me. It's been a rough 5 years. Making it through the last 2 is reason alone to keep waking up in the morning. "There's gotta be a reason I'm still here" it's cliched but legit statistics say I should not still be alive.
But I am and it's time to start living for me again. It's also time to man up and stop being afraid of everything again. I used to be wicked independent. I've fallen into the monotony of needing people to do things with me. I do not like that about myself. I once flew to Florida alone just to see Casey Jones. It was awesome. So it's definitely time to cut the bullshit and revert back to me. No fear. No more peer pressure. No bitch assness. I'm grown. Reality. Good people. Integrity. Strength. Pride. And a life that reflects all of those things.
we. are. back.
