it is time to nut up or shut up, woody.. you're absolutely right!

So it turns out I'm probably the sucker in one of those "friends close enemies closer" friendships. It also turns out that a lot of my friends have counted on me to be the bigger person or the one who won't mind/will be understanding about being put on the back burner. As it turns out, I am not. I am so done with my spineless, poor excuses of friends who run their mouths to me about shit because they know I'll agree that whatever wrong someone is doing them is wrong or that when someone is being a worthless, waste of life that is what they're doing. I used to be someone who really cared about the well being of my closest friends but I used to have friends that were worth that sort of loyalty. Now I just know a bunch of cowards who stand up for things that will ultimately never effect them.. unless of course they're fucked up on something then you better watch your ass.... especially when they"ve already gotten back to the car or you've already left where ever they are, thus disabling any opportunity for a real confrontation.

I'm tired of all the talk. I don't want friends that I feel the need to tell what to do or that I feel are a mess or a just plain fucking stupid. I can't explain what its like look at someone that you care for and just think "how have you made it through life even this far? you are so incredibly unintelligent.." I also can't explain how angry & kind of grossed out it makes me to have someone continually bitch to me about their totaly detestation for a person who is no longer a part of my life for all of the reasons they're bitching and for them to turn around and basically slap me in the face with it. That is retarded dude. If there's one thing I've learned in therapy its that you're not supposed to talk shit about the people you care about. You either try to help them within healthy boundaries or you cut them lose for your own well being because no one should be expected to carry dead weight around and that goes for friends & family. Really, you shouldn't have to try and be someone's friend at all but sometimes your good friends (people who have proven to be a good person to & for you) need your help. But there are also friends who just need way too much and never give back what you need. Those are the jerks I personally am done with.

I'd rather have a handful of friends than a back full of knives.