so creeped out!

ok, so that infamous aquarian is a nut job! HOLY MOTHER!

he did this thing on me.. word for word..

http://www.scribd.com/doc/353114/Cube-Routine

MAKE HER CHASE YOU: the guide to creating a magnetic personality (WTF?!?!#!#!#^!??!@!@)

dude... AND consequently he's also [not] dating my dear friend's new room mate.. or rather "they have a history"... that's just a dressed up way of saying you slept together but never actually dated.

... I bet he tells her he loves her too. Whatta douche.

stress

I have court in the morning. I'm losing it right now. Switching back & forth between the necessary & the self inflicted. I feel like an idiot and I'm terrified at the same... its a horribly unsettling feeling. I feel like throwing up and crying and taking a run and walking up the street & throwing myself off of the top of the parking garage all at the same time. I want tomorrow to be over. I don't want another continuance and I don't want to go to jail. I need a miracle.

In regards to the self inflicted stress, I think I really was on candid camera or at least made to be a joke in a public forum. I don't stir up "genuine feelings" just to lay them to rest. I also don't have time for this right now or the stamina. Tonight was the first time in a while that I actually wanted/felt the need to drink but I didn't. It wasn't worth it. Some things just aren't, I guess.

unrelated emotions

the other day i was in the car with mark venting about my life, he said "you feel like you have to abort your baby and you ain't even pregnant." that was exactly how i felt and i have never been pregnant nor had to take part in anything to do with having an abortion.

today is a similar story. i'm sitting here @ work, listening to my ipod and "i miss being mrs" by loretta lynn comes on and immediately listening to it i felt like she & i were going through the exact same thing. the song is about her husband dying... i've never been married!

ugh. i want to get to the good part!

End of Day 2, Beginning of Day 3

Its 1:00 AM. I'm kind of tired but more mind blown about the current state of things.

train of thought: Fuck, I'm going to jail. I am. I know it.>>>Maybe not though... gotta keep going.>>> How is it YOU guys that got knocked up before everyone else??>>>How is it that I am the first of us to face jail time??>>>I miss [something completely undeserving of being missed]..>>>Why are you such a douche?>>>I should have never worked at Be Bar... what a fucking train wreck [it turned me into]>>>I frequently miss Tyler and the good he shared with me>>>Typefighter songs..>>>I need to do something!!!>>>I need to ride this out & be patient. It all ends soon.>>>50-50 is bullshit when it comes to the law. there are 3 out comes here... THREEEE!!!>>>stalker check is stupid.>>>teenagers are really stupid.>>>"You could be a sweet dream.. or a beautiful nightmare"-Beyonce

I started my growing up documentary/video log. I'm pretty stoked on that.

My feet are asleep and I have to work tomorrow. If thunderstorms could stick around through labor day, I would be exceedingly grateful.