stress

I have court in the morning. I'm losing it right now. Switching back & forth between the necessary & the self inflicted. I feel like an idiot and I'm terrified at the same... its a horribly unsettling feeling. I feel like throwing up and crying and taking a run and walking up the street & throwing myself off of the top of the parking garage all at the same time. I want tomorrow to be over. I don't want another continuance and I don't want to go to jail. I need a miracle.

In regards to the self inflicted stress, I think I really was on candid camera or at least made to be a joke in a public forum. I don't stir up "genuine feelings" just to lay them to rest. I also don't have time for this right now or the stamina. Tonight was the first time in a while that I actually wanted/felt the need to drink but I didn't. It wasn't worth it. Some things just aren't, I guess.