sucka MCs & alcohol..

Waking up to Married with Children. I have been setting myself up for a miserable marriage such as this since I started dating, this is something I recognize only today. I have horrible taste in men. In fact, I think me liking some of the guys I have dated has further solidified their douche baggery. Its really hard to get a grasp on my generation's men. They are all over the place. My mother says I should date older men.. old dudes creep me out. I just want to date a nice guy with a spine. Openly flawed but confident in their own skin. Honest. Real. And when a girl says she's looking for a relationship, don't tell her you love her prematurely and then decide you want to take things slow.

I am obsessive. I need closure. I need things to have a beginning and an end. I don't want to deal with "the one who got away" ever. You're either here or you're not and we both know the details of our parting if you're not. That way there's no bullshit gossip or mystery, even though it appears that there will always be that drama with some. And that's ok. Some clearly don't realize what women & Woodbridge are capable of.. especially with our mouths.

Last thing about d bags before I switch topics. I assume that some girls are dumb enough to fall for dumb shit & antics. I am not. I am fucking Angela Lansbury, ok? Even if I don't want to assume the worst my subconscious will do it for me and send me a memo. I am unfoolable. Now if I could just be unfuckoverable, rather I could just drop this one horrid quality of only child syndrome. Sometimes you just need to be over it. No piece of ass is worth it and there might just be someone who isn't going to be a dick to me all of the time, and they might actually be attractive and actually have their shit together VS only attractive because of their initial personality and only have their shit together in theory, like me when I worked at HT, all attitude with nothing to really back it but a cool hobby & a full time job. Doctor..... ::insert scoff here::

So I've given up on DC and partying there. I don't know if its the times but everyone is hardcore balls to the wall all of the time. I can't hang. I'm glad too. Its been really refreshing. I know people are a little bored with me but those people are alcoholics & terrible influences. I got a DUI recently and my first thought was "I have to tell my kids that I got a DUI now." That's awful to me. The worst part is I've been going down this path for a while now. I should've gotten in trouble or died a long time ago, and why? Because I could handle it. Obviously not anymore or at all really. I am not a good drunk. I blackout really easily and there is no changing that. My tolerance does not increase. I'm like 110 lbs, I can't metabolize more than 4 drinks in a night and that's the max which can actually decrease depending on what I'm drinking.

Its hard to believe 5 years ago I truly believed I would never touch another drop of alcohol or any other substance for that matter. Life back then was awesome though. My life was how it should be. I worked and went to shows. I worked so I could go to show & do fun stuff. Now I work so I can try to pay my bills & so I can drink to forget how stupid life is. And its cliched as fuck, but the answer is not at the bottom of any bottle. I know that, how did I forget that? Bad influences. Now that I'm well into my 20's this can't happen anymore. And fuck everyone anyway. Fuck coolness too. I blame a lot of things that are obsolete because I am 24 and completely responsible for myself. Its good to know why things went down the way they did, no matter how bullshit the reasoning is, at least there was a reason and it wasn't entirely my fault, which for someone like me is a really good thing because I would rip myself apart otherwise.

The Jonas Brothers cover of Shania Twain's "I'm gonna getcha good" makes me want to lock them in the back of salon & turn them into sex slaves.. I don't have a salon... failure.

I love Music Choice.

I love a few things..

I am an asshole but I kind of feel like you need to be, especially when people are such assholes. Like be good to the ones you know are good to you. Be polite & courteous to mostly everyone because you shouldn't impose on anyone else's life just because. Seriously, can't tell you how many people need to be told to get & keep their shit together, so give a little get a little and keep yours in tact. Lord knows I needed to be told to do so.

I just hate being so pissed & upset when all I need is the smallest thing but apparently the smallest things to me are more than most can bare. I am the smallest 50 ft woman in the world.